The opinion is a statement or judgment formed about something apart from the fact. And, unsolicited opinions, the statement is often given whether we want them or not. Unfortunately, the second one is immensely popular without realizing the negative spin. Let’s begin with my chapter.
Down the memory lane,
I’m a fairly brown girl. I have curls and well defined small waist and rounded bottom and a little more than to wafer-thin, willowy. Growing up, I was the talk of my family. Especially, for being brown and thin. Every visited guest would knock me and make fun of me. They also advised randomly. And, this continued for long years. The topic slightly changed towards study, friend circle, behave and how to be a good girl. However, the main headline was “start using turmeric mixture.”
This continued asking and advising me to wear lengthy, cover cleavage, be polite, calm, and humble. Every time they made me remember, I’m a girl and my voice shouldn’t be loud. I shouldn’t interact and shake hands. I cannot go out and hang out. The dilemma of a Good Girl.
Until one day, I chose to reply straightly “STOP” this is it for all your unsolicited advice. The comment I received was less from family members but more from the relatives, neighbors, teachers. All were outsiders. Yet, their words affected me and my family.
Advice is helpful-to what extent?
Advice-Opinion is necessary. Great insights can be helpful to make the right choices. But sometimes advice is offered when you didn’t ask for it. And, the advice comes from every kind of person whether they are in your shoes or not, or they have the life experiences or not. I’m sure, we all know such persons around us, who visit just for this purpose.
We all are prone to such unsolicited opinions in one way or otherwise. They might know or not that you’re dealing with a crisis or struggling with something. Or, you want advice or not, they will talk anyway. They will tell you what to do and what not. Strange, but sometimes they order you too. They will straightly shove you and try to manipulate with their long thread of opinions and advice. That irritates you.
No wonder, sometimes the advice feels like criticism because they intend to do that. They judge you and point out your every mistake and offer advice for each pointed mistake. Also, they won’t forget to check you, whether you heard out or not. Eventually, this puts you in a bad mood zone of resentment as they invaded your boundaries.
Doesn’t matter you want it or not, they will keep showing their illusion of superiority for a particular subject or maybe for all. How to figure out splitting bills?
experiences of dealing,
I still get nervous in front of such people who point out my mistakes without acknowledging my rugged path. I feel they are good for nothing. They make me angry and bitter with words. This also adds stress, self-doubt, feeling of unworthiness. It creates confusion about whether to trust or not and many more.
Additionally, I hate the people who pass unwanted judgments. Who makes me feel undeserving and categorized as good or bad. Over time, I started dealing with such people instead of ignoring them. I started leveling up my voice to say them stop at the right point, will come to you if ever I need. Medium.
However, I’m straight with my standpoint that I don’t need any advice until I ask or any kind of interruption because that kills my energetic vibe sometimes. I started understanding the person’s habit and that made me ease to ignore and prioritize my work.
To what extent,
Do we need advice-To what extent do we need advice? Do we need advice only when we ask for it or let society impose without going through our shoes? Or, what if someone is offering through guardianship? Let’s refrain from the perspective.
Yes, we need advice but to what extent and with whom depends upon only an individual, the receiver. I think the advice and opinion that arise out of the concern from our guardian or the loved ones are honest. Yea, sometimes they irritate you too. But that’s the concern your close one is feeling. They are harmless and genuine and pure Love.
But the people whom you met roughly a few times, advising you and putting their opinion is turning off. Don’t you think, it’s too soon to go through this? I mean, asking is fine but judging and suggesting and the unsolicited opinion is not allowed, my dear.
We are not here to welcome every random opinion in the name of concern. Even though, listening may not be wrong but exercising it is. There’s a boundary and every individual should respect each other. Set Healthy Boundaries.
Let’s hold ourselves back from showering with unwanted-unsolicited opinions because that does more harm than good. This may also end the early relationship stage or kill the excitement. The approach may be insensitive and piss you off. Therefore, let’s stop giving unsolicited opinions.
Why people regulary advice?
- They seek control over you and your work
- The wish to change and make them follow their guidance
- Narcissistic Tendency
- The need to be needed
- The made habit to offer advice
- Thinking of Superiority
The above mentioned are the most common reasons for people offering unsolicited opinions. Also, sometimes they perceive your sharing as helpless and come with advice.
Thinking and examining the advice as per your interest of mind tells a lot. Because it’s significant to understand what you are receiving and exercising. Don’t force yourself to follow if you’re not interested. If someone is sharing, the only thing we can do is listen and be there for that person instead of offering and using the phrase, “I know you more than you.” This is the wrong phrase.
The key is to distinguish whether you want to hear or not. And, this is the learning that tells you’re accepting the person next move the other way around. Instead of this, we all have made a habit to listen as casual suggestions and turn into loud laughs. But what the giver and the common people overlook is the stress and self-doubt that gets birth after that loud laugh. This results constructively and in a pervasive manner resulting in mental disturbance. It also affects an individual confidence level and mass-facing skill. Unrevealed Thoughts
As a society, we made it casual. I think it all starts from an early age, the lesson we learned to listen and obey. Behind the casual laugh, we think everything is justifiable, nothing is wrong. And also, we assume the person should take it as “no harm.” This results in fear of making mistakes which means to stop trying, or practicing. So, here are the few steps you can follow to get rid of such unsolicited opinions.
- Good idea. Thank you for your advice!
- Well, thank you. I’m not going to do that.
- I’m not looking for any advice right now.
- This won’t gonna support my values and work line.
- I will think about trying in my next move.
- Appreciated! But I’m still looking in-depth.
Express you’re going to act according to your values and work line ethics. Make it clear that you don’t want their unsolicited opinions or their nose in your life. Because this nature is demeaning and presumptive. Advising someone on their nature or bodily state or way of earning or in any aspect is emotionally and mentally harmful. This is rude. Unfortunately, we cannot allay, we have to keep struggling with every other person. Therefore, think before speaking or interrupting. This also reduces your respect, stay alert.
Keep Loving, Living, and Sharing. (If you’re new to my blog website, kindly subscribe for the updates. And, here’s a few links and ads and images from pixabay that help me to run this site.) Also, here’s my Instagram profile.