I can only ADVICE myself!

Advice, It was Friday Summer evening, a week after my SEE Board. 

I cloudly remember his face and words. He was there for a family gathering but complained about me to my mother. She attentively listened to him as his words guided my mother to restrict me. His gaze bore into me followed by a phrase “You should start being stricter with her, otherwise in no time she will slip right there. Be careful about your respectability.”

Being honest with himself, he advised me not to roam late at night, not to make male friends, and to follow what my cousins were doing. His words reverberated across the room as his words lingered in the atmosphere that was hurting the girl standing in the left corner of the room (Me).

Before I could comprehend this, I was restricted. I was labeled and tagged. I was named. And, all this was happening because I wanted to wear what I liked and my like at that time was to compete with my friends. To show them, to walk around with them. Yet, beneath it all, I sensed restriction in the name of concern. And, that continued. 

Decade’s Agony,

Almost ten years have gone by, but his words still echo loudly in my head. They keep on ringing, even louder now. It’s like new bells have been added, ringing incessantly.  As I step on according to my will, I feel a sudden fear of being judged. I’ve elevated people so high that they feel entitled to criticize without restraint. Perhaps, in my pursuit of love, friendship, or any form of connection, I’ve dissolved myself to fit in and be accepted to such an extent that people feel entitled to criticize without a second thought.

I haven’t granted the right to them, yet I find myself unable to restrict them. I couldn’t stop him in the past, and even now, I struggle to stop each one of them. 

At times, we tend to believe that we have restricted ourselves in every aspect, which in turn leads to hurt. But is that truly the case?

We’re just a few conversations away from either getting deeply involved or completely detached. And when we unintentionally reveal our fondness for someone, we inadvertently invite their unwanted advice-the words-the point out that we don’t need. We don’t want you to tell us the very same thing that we are fed up with. 

The Morning,

Every morning, I come across things that aren’t right, things that demand my attention, perhaps even therapy. I go through the pain of certain mornings dragging on throughout the entire day to resolve. Even, in between all this, I manage to work out. I manage to submit my assignment. Even as I manage to meet my deadline, there’s a persistent urge in the back of my mind to finally let go of one of those tormenting behaviors and morning. It’s a constant struggle—a conscious effort to find a reason to heal, to cope to turn the morning into a shining day. Aren’t we all, in our way, desperately seeking reasons to put an end to the pain that haunts us?

Maybe my fondness will ask you to hold my hand, but when I offer it, I want you to grasp it firmly, with no distractions—just my hand only. Without any unwanted comments that sound like mockery, I repeat only hand! 

I don’t want you to agitate me. Whether you’re my friend, my partner, or someone with whom I’ve shared precious time, I repeat only. Your suggestions and advice shouldn’t cause me pain. What may seem like a simple suggestion to you could be a deeply rooted wound within me. The wound that every morning I try to conceal or take a step ahead to cope with. But still, I’m failing. Failing with hope to win not to come across you as someone who needs your unsolicited advice. I know where I’m standing and rooting for. 

You cannot control my reaction to the ringing of that particular bell in my ear. You have no idea about the reasons behind that echo and the time I’ve dedicated to overcoming it. No. You simply can’t.

Loudness,

To be honest, I can relate to this as well. I want to apologize to anyone I may have unintentionally offended with my words as I write this. I’m going to try to be more thoughtful and compassionate going forward.

Your kind advice is valued and appreciated, but I cannot tolerate any that mocks my roots, wounds, or the time I’ve dedicated to accepting and healing them. Your comment without getting to the basics makes me understand that you’re still trapped with the thought of loudness as Toxic but that’s not always true. 

Every loudness has a meaning. Every silence has a meaning. Think and you will realize the strength people hold within that loudness or the silence that irritates you. Maybe for some, that’s the only language and if overnight you cannot accept it, you don’t have the right to advise them to change, calling it loudly as negative. Forgive Your Kind Heart!

Final Talk,

We all express and we all have our way of expressing fear, love, and all of those sensations. Maybe some loudness is the reason for trauma as silence can be. If you want them to be strong, give them the time they deserve and even beyond that. The passing of days never guarantees healing. 

Create the shade of balance for you, not for others. And, don’t elevate people so high that they feel entitled to criticize your normal behavior just because that doesn’t seem normal to them. Do not permit the advice of others to influence your path at all, if you don’t want to.

Keep Loving, Living, and Sharing.

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