The Dilemma of a Good Girl.

That’s not what Good Girls do, my dear. This is the articulate set phrase in our conversation, that makes you pause for seconds to realize and go through. But actually, the most important thing is, how the good girls behave?-because every time they restrict the talks, assisting the societal belief with set expectations. Therefore, Let me decode the Good Girl for you,

A Trip to down,

I grew up in a confused state of my mind. The rush to be the “Good Girl” was always there. It was following me from the morning sun to the late-night sleeping position. “This is not the good way, do it like this. Otherwise, your in-laws will point out in our upbringing”, was the only classic line I heard repeatedly. The Reality: Me and Spotlight

I was hardly at the age to understand. But it was and is more important than the degree I’m pursuing. It always has been a textbook definition of “Good Girl” that you have to achieve. And it says, socially successful who follow the rules silently and not allowed to get angry and no opinion on things.

They said the Good Girl walks on the marked line existing from the generations because the sack of family’s reputation is on her head. Now, which means she is supposed to walk by balancing the mixed opinion with the whole sack of ridiculous thoughts.

Being a Good Girl, came with a lot of pressure to be well-behaved, successful, polite. And a lot that seems unrealistic, right now. And yea, the first bite of Perfection I tasted was around the people who taught me to hide. I was supposed to be the role model of my siblings. And my role model was supposed to be my mother, playing hide and seek with her confrontation.

The mask of Good Girl,

There’s something like a huge obsession with good girls, in this Nepalese society. I think South Asians would be right. Our society is teaching the girls to walk on the path that sharply curtails their potential and enthusiasm. They teach you to stay small, and no further question solving your keenness because your man is benevolent. Which, I find as an illusion that’s ingrained since childhood.

There are defined protocols for girls. Anyone who dared to step ahead is perceived as “Bad Girls.” In short, the perception of good or bad is as per the convenience of this patriarchy. Cultivate the Compassion.

A good girl should be quiet, polite, not too talkative, obeyed. And, actually, the invisible column whose approval is only survival by performing for the patriarchal male. She is treated as the external since birth praised for the quality of being invisible and no speech even in her own family.

And, this is a long process as they watch their mothers condone toxic male behaviors and abuse in silence. The whole scenario is for being-LIKED. I don’t think there is unconditional LOVE by default exist. There is the rush for being likable and we have internalized this damaging belief. What if we are not in the good eyes? What if the husband will leave?

Therefore, the common mask we wear is the mask of Good Girl. And, here’s the few things I heard countless times,

• Sheltered,
• Good grades,
• No opinion,
• Grounded,
• Doesn’t show skin,
• Only female friends,
• No abuse
• No smoke or drink or laugh out loud, and a lot.

The Society,

Society has its standards but do these standards makes you good-obviously no. Because steeping over someone’s self-esteem and not validating the presence is not the standard that you have to follow. The girls growing in such an environment experience a high level of stress-confused state of their own identity, lack of sense of their happiness. In short, the hyper-vigilance. Struggling with the disorganization and lack of focus to stand again.

Some traits may be positive and enthusiastic but they are difficult to paint happy faces. From cultural belief to cinemas, there’s only one thing, “shaming girls for asserting themselves.” It seems the whole wheel is running with the approval of patriarchy even if that is ineptitude. Unrevealed Thoughts

Every aspect of being raised is claimed by a significant gender bias. From toys to school to life lessons. They teach us to worry about others in the name of care and threaded obliged relationships. And, these behaviors and differences are carefully cultivated without conscious contemplation.

Ironically, there are mostly women who set standards and so-called protocols and make other girls follow such baseless standards. Eventually, this concept is an illusion. Because in the name of good, society is turning her into someone’s doormat.

The Change,

Even though we can see, society has changed for the better and is still going process. But such labels still tend to stick around the poised girls as parameters to define. No wonder, this is because of this male privileged society that cannot see her moving ahead with maximum utilization of minimum resources and even that was the leftover.  

We are not very used to seeing HER as unapologetic about anything. Surely, the place and topic of the discussion are changed. But the credit goes to those warriors who choose to stand and speak. In a country where being a girl is the sign of apology finding her unapologetic is like a thorn.

Walking away from something that was for you as decided and supposed to perform by you, will surely raise a few eyebrows. But you have to shut the doors because you’re not the only GIVER. It’s high time, you decide what is right and wrong for you. And who can access you? You don’t owe any explanation.

Reclaim YOURSELF.

Reclaim who you are and what you want. You have to understand, there is no Good and Bad Girl. There might be confusion in your mind about being Good or Bad. But why do you need to be the one either? – when you can be the Girl of your choice.

This is so rooted that studies prove women have less confidence and focus in comparison to males. But now, it’s high time to uproot them and Reclaim OURSELVES. One morning the veil of Good Girl will fall off and then the reality will hit of not being the good girl either. Because that doesn’t exist. The only existence is the stereotypical mindset that’s ruling wrongly.

Learn the importance of raising hands and being visible. Speak up for yourself and the ones who are tagged as “Bad Girl.” Tell them, there’s no sense of bad and good. She is just living the way she wants and desires-this goes to the boys too. No one is BAD here. And you cannot label someone as bad girl. You are free to enjoy your life on your terms and value. Create your Girl World where you can live the way you want. The lip kiss

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